Once upon a dark winter’s night, on December 14, 2002 my paths became inseparably entwined with those of the most wonderful woman I have ever met: Natalie.
For a long time we were walking together on a magical path through our eternal paradise, so blissful that it seemed utterly unreal all along the way, and yet it was never an illusion.
But alas, we fell from grace - trapped in our individual Gordian knots composed of fear, doubt, insecurity, guilt, regret and blame, all unnecessarily self-directed without any solid foundation. We lost our paradise, and suffered from growing despair as we believed we could not get back in, and that we did not deserve it. We could not see that we were actually standing right in front of the gates.
Five years later, on December 14, 2007 this era ended. And at the same time a new era begins. Through all the suffering I am also learning the key lesson of my life, which shall not end with regret any more. “Ardently doing what should be done today” (Buddha), “be the change you wish to see in the world” (Gandhi). A clear vision. The pieces have aligned. I hold true to my heart. I shall give no less than 100% until my final breath.
This is the Christmas poem I composed for Natalie.
Who would have wisely thought, or long foreseen,
that Fortune sings a such unlikely call?
Now finally my will is strong and keen:
I’ll fear no more, nor doubt myself, nor fall.For thee I wish no less; rise up, fly high!
Be free to seek thine answers, find thy soul!
Have faith, and worry not! For ’tis no lie:
all bleeding hearts will ’sooth again be whole.When to our selves and paths we true will keep
as sunlight sparkling on fresh morning dew,
then heaven’s angels shall no longer weep,
our beacon will in time be lit anew.Farewell! And know this doubtless heart of me
once and forevermore shall beat for thee.
One day, when the grief has faded, I shall fulfill an old promise, and write a book giving a detailed account of these amazing years with Natalie: especially how it all started, and also how it ended. It will serve as both inspiration and warning, revealing a romantic fairy-tale beyond imagination. And somehow, someday, these words will unfold their meaning: Eternity is far too short.
It’s sad how often these things happen. Recently, I’ve some profound (to me) statements. One was: “You do not fall in love, you must stand together in it.” The other referred to the fact that love is like a muscle in that it needs to be exercised, often and correctly, to avoid atrophy and injury.