Separation from the Loved

It is said in the Saccavibhanga Sutta that “… separation from the loved is stressful (dukkha) …”.

Two days ago my beloved has eventually gone to India to work with her father for about three months. We have never been separated by any such distance or period before, and still I can feel her presence right here and now. I see her in the colours of the trees, I hear her in the laughter of a child, I feel her in the raindrops on my skin. And in doing so, I feel happiness rather than sadness.

Usually one would expect the experience of such a long-distance relationship as rather frightening, stressful, even painful. So it seems to me that we are living in unusual times! I am in love with her, I somehow feel “excited with her” about the things yet to come, I am happy that she is doing well … and I feel even more happiness when I remember the wonderful time that we have already shared together.

With so much reason for joy, why should I allow myself to suffer about separation in space and time? Love without clinging seems stronger. Not so much dukkha after all. :-)

Putting the pieces together

Some days ago in the park I played some chess games with a nice fellow called Alberto. While doing so I explained and demonstrated to him various tactical and strategical principles of the game. In the end he said he was delighted to learn from such a good player, to which I replied that it was not such a big deal: “If you want to improve further, just carry on – learn, practice and combine all the elements!”

And whoooooosh, there was the answer. Putting the pieces together in practice. The time is now, and this is how it works, as simple as in a game of chess. Create a beneficial environment and start investigating the beneficial factors. Explore the realms of mind and body, and as the split diminishes, keep working towards the goal. It’s amazing! :-)

On matches, loops and loop(w)holes

Upon further reflection I would consider parts of my last posting slightly inconsistent. I suppose the “quintessence” is the emergence of a cooperative system for mankind – a thought that comes to me quite often in recent times.

In the last few days I have had some interesting and challenging conversations with Thomas. He told me a few things about NLP Trinergy and we spun a few other ideas as well. For a moment I felt like understanding the “cycle of rebirth” and kamma for the first time. I also wondered whether there could be a structural match between the Buddhist triad “greed, aversion, delusion” and some Trinergy triads (e.g. mentor/saviour, muse/victim, doer/culprit).

Discovering such matches can be great fun. It’s a bit like highly abstract pattern recognition. I probably like it too much, but who knows? Someday it might be good for something.

Today I re-discovered (I tend to “forget” a lot of things!) the significant role of internal and external justifications. This could be one of the key inhibition factors for my progress, as I can easily observe how they create and nurture loops and “vicious circles”. Yes, there is a loophole for this loop! It encompasses mindfulness and constant practice.

I also realized – thanks to the conversations with Thomas – how the “Systematic Approach” (a structured collection of mind-maps which I have created some weeks ago) is far more problem-oriented, rather than solution-oriented, than what I thought. Indeed it was supposed to facilitate a transition from the former to the latter orientation: status quo – disadvantages – analysis – solution ideas – experiences – progress – advantages – destination. But guess what, I have mainly been focusing on the former (problem/past-oriented) part. I still think it could be useful to some extent, but only when properly used! D’oh. :-)

These are interesting days. And still there is so much to learn. Oh, by the way, I learned my first Polish words today! :-)

Thoughts as (un)usual

This morning I’ve had a stunning non-verbal thought experience. Clear like water, very simple, and intense like a blast. Unfortunately my verbal description appears to me like a terribly flawed approximation, but I will give it a shot. Let’s start with the rather simple part:

The game of life that we (humans) are currently playing can be seen as a game of – and “played” by – atoms, quarks and beyond. Viewed as such, our experience is therefore obviously
(1) not-self (anatta),
(2) impermanent (anicca) in the sense of ever-changing, and
(3) stressful (dukkha) in the way as we currently play it.

Buddhist principles derived from game theory? Unfortunately I know very little about the latter. Maybe the related terms should be paraphrased differently, but I will keep using them for now.

I suppose that the third conclusion is least obvious, as it probably requires a glimpse of knowledge about dukkha, which is not everyone’s cup of tea. I have also included the assumption that consciousness is part of the universe and its laws. Our universe along with its laws could be regarded as “higher-level” player.

So far, so simple. Now it becomes complicated. :-)

After this initial thought I reflected upon the benefits of Gotama Siddhattha’s teachings, which somehow involve centering yourself in the here-and-now (“easily” observable through direct experience). Then I wondered whether such a path is ultimately leading your consciousness one level (like a “dynamic” or an abstraction level) upwards? Maybe, if enough human beings perform this task, they will “pull” the rest with them as the critical mass is reached? (this seems difficult to explain, as it was more like a “structural vision”)

I suppose we cannot yet speculate about similar tasks for other species and whether they will accomplish them as well (or have already done so, probably with a different set of rules?!), since we (humans as a “unified player” with “unified consciousness”) have not yet been able to “stand there on top and look around in all directions”. Nor can we speculate about what comes next (structurally something similar on higher levels, I suppose). But with this “pulling effect” arising from those “enlightened” ones who have reached the top, cooperation (involving active and passive teaching) would be a property of the game. The goal of any individual player might thus coincide with the goal of the unified player! And maybe this vast “journey upwards” is what the game of life is all about. :-)

I would not be surprised if these speculations contain numerous flaws. But I have no doubts about the intense non-verbal insight itself that gave rise to them. Maybe with growing experience I can create more fruitful and compatible conclusions.

I have no idea whether all of this makes any sense to anyone of you, but obviously I could not resist sharing my thoughts. As usual. :-)

Increasintensity?

Are you prepared for something odd? :-)

One year ago, I was experiencing a series of insights and cognitions, gradually increasing in both density and intensity. This experience eventually reached its culmination in the early morning hours of May 23rd, 2005. After the shooting of the “party scene” for “Jenseits”, I spent an inspiring night in the company of two dear friends. It was so overwhelming that I noticed how my mental capacities became positively exhausted. I made a remark about how useful the ability to expand one’s mental capacities might be. I really had no idea… yet.

Upon returning home, I suddenly felt compelled by my inner voice to sit down on my bed and to simply “let things happen”. The majestic wave appeared without warning: profound and relentless it came crashing down right over me, yet it caused no damage – washing away time and space. Although it was dark, I noticed a light around me. Although it was cold, I felt warmth on my skin. With closed eyes I could perceive the previously unknown, an experience for which there are no words. My whole body was trembling with awe. The doors of perception were opened, and I found myself wide awake for the first time.

It was literally a wake-up call: the first of its kind, followed by many others right up to the present, which I heeded but partially. Fear, doubt and confusion delayed my progress for almost a year. Now the year draws to a close, and I notice an increasing density and intensity of insights once again. And what now? – I have already made my experiences about how not to heed the call, about how not to follow the path. And I have seen glimpses about what happens if I do. A glimpse is not enough; it is nothing to be merely talked about either.

Ooops, I did it again. Enough words now! :-)

5000+ pages to read …

The books I have received recently (birthday gifts and Amazon orders) contain far more than 5000 pages. How many seasons will it take me to read them all? Some “older” items on my ever-growing planned reading list are not even included yet (Tolkien, Eco, …). And then there are lots of math & physics scripts, too.

In order to satisfy my curiosity, I have started reading about a topic called “General Semantics”. The first book on my list, “Language in Thought and Action” by S.I. Hayakawa (late US senator), provides a very good introduction as it combines some of Alfred Korzybski’s theories with aspects of everyday communication, society, politics, media, advertisement, etc. So far it does not increase the complexity of thoughts (as I had previously suspected), but rather the awareness of language, thoughts and abstraction processes. Thus I can highly recommend this book.

My next books on the subject are “Drive Yourself Sane” by Susan & Bruce Kodish (a simplified and application-based approach towards General Semantics) and “Science and Sanity” by Alfred Korzybski. The former book is much thinner and less “scientific” than the latter 900-pages volume. I guess that with this combination I am well equipped for the upcoming summer. :-)

And then there are books like “Gödel, Escher, Bach” by Douglas R. Hofstadter (824 pages, considered a “life-changing must-read” by many people), “The Elegant Universe” by Brian Greene (448 pages, probably a very useful and entertaining complement for my ongoing String Theory lecture), “The Holographic Universe” by L. Susskind & J. Lindesay (200 pages, a lot of black hole physics, information, entropy, and the “Holographic Principle”… sounds very intriguing!), “The Road to Reality” by Roger Penrose (1136 pages, explaining the whole world with a mixture of prosa and formulae in this “Complete Guide to the Laws of the Universe”), “The Zahir” by Paulo Coelho (350 pages), “The Abhorsen Trilogy” by Garth Nix (1700 pages, a fantasy epic recommended to me by Mario), some scientific cooking books to pose with my knowledge about chemical and physical processes in the kitchen (just kidding!), and many more …

I suppose I shall not buy any new books until the year 2010. :-)

Ancient Mystic’s Wisdom

I currently don’t even find time for blog entries, when there is so much to write! But there is always enough time for the ancient wisdom of mystics – this one is attributed to Meister Eckhart (my translation):

A sage was once asked: “Which is the most important hour that one experiences, who is the most meaningful person one encounters, and what is the most necessary deed?”
The sage answered: “The most important hour is always the present, the most meaningful person is always the one you are facing, and the most necessary deed is always love.”

Recollection of Past Events

My beloved girlfriend turned my birthday (March 14) into a most wonderful experience. We also had dinner in a place called “Pharaonentempel” which resembles an ancient egyptian temple both from the inside and outside. The exquisite meals were truly delicious!

Two days later I had a very inspiring conversation with one of my friends from the “good old Amiga times”. The day after, ironically just when I thought that life was good, I encountered some heart problems and thus became painfully aware of my still present fear of death. Fortunately it turned out to be quite harmless, but I should have my heart checked by a specialist nonetheless.

On Saturday (March 18) I celebrated with my friends in the “Sägewerk”. Some of them even came down all the way from Vienna! My brother wrote me a wonderful poem. I actually got far too many gifts but gladly accepted all of them. :-)

The following week passed quickly, and was dominated by my efforts to establish a more “systematic approach” towards my tasks, issues and future development. I will give a more detailed description later!

Last weekend my girlfriend and I watched “The Constant Gardener” together, which we both enjoyed very much. I shall write a short review soon. The movie also made me think a lot, even more and harder than usual. During this week I had some interesting insights at night which are difficult to explain right now, along with more heart troubles even in my dreams. Is that a reminder to focus on the essential things? I am sure I should take it that way.

Chess + String Theory = :-)

We did it again! Last Friday, in round 8/11 of the Stadtliga Graz, the mighty Schachgesellschaft defeated the team of Styria Graz with 4,5:3,5 points (their first defeat of this season). I contributed to this glorious result with a victory. Thus we are steadily becoming the most feared team of the league: young, strong, and fearless!

Otherwise my studies keep me very busy. I visit many lectures in this semester, including an “Introduction into String Theory“. We, a group of students and two university professors, are trying to introduce ourselves to this weird state-of-the-art branch of theoretical physics, following a book from Barton Zwiebach. It encourages me to refresh my dusty knowledge about many other important subjects (analytical mechanics, quantum mechanics, electrodynamics, …).

Programming in MatLab for “Computer Simulations” is fun, too. Although I have already completed most of the required examples two years ago, it’s good to get back into it. If I had ten lives, in one of them I might have become a programmer (writer, musician, monk, chess master, …). But in this life, I shall now rise to the challenge of physics!